More Choices
by aces
Summary: The Doctor considers changing the past...


Based on _Cold Fusion_ by Lance Parkin, a book in which the 5th and 7th Doctors meet. I was reading the passage where Adric bumps into the 7th Doctor (who gets the strangest look on his face…), and inspiration hit. This story involves the 7th Doctor, with Chris Cwej and Roz Forrester as his companions. I have to warn you, it's been rather a long time since I've seen (not read) the 7th Doc, so I've probably not got any of his mannerisms or characteristics right (alas), and I apologize in advance—I also apologize if I got any of the references to "Earthshock" wrong; it's been a long time since I've seen that story either. I think when I get home I'll have a marathon…I really should, anyway.

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More Choices

_I could do it._

The Doctor stared at the scanner unblinkingly, watching the small, insignificant blue planet hang in space. His expression didn't change at all when the freighter entered the picture, heading straight for the planet.

_I could do it._

It wouldn't really be changing history. He could just materialize on the ship, nip in, nip out, and disappear with no one the wiser. No one knowing he'd been there. Including his past self. The freighter could carry on its course without the extra…passenger.

Would his past self ever forgive him?

Could he _ever_ forgive himself?

_It wouldn't really be changing history_, the Doctor insisted to himself. _He doesn't have to die. I don't have to let him…_

He stared hard at the scanner, as if his gaze alone could stop the freighter's inevitable crash. He willed himself to move his hands over the console, to set the controls to land on the freighter.

_I've done worse. I've manipulated much, much more than this._

It would be so easy. I know I could do it.

So why can't I do it?

He didn't understand him_self_ sometimes. But the instant Adric had died, he'd known he couldn't do anything to change it. His younger self had known it with a certainty that had threatened to tear him apart. And no matter how much his older self wanted to change that knowledge, he couldn't.

It just had to be.

_No! That's not right! That's not FAIR!_ his own mind railed against him. _I can change this! This is what I do—I change things for the better! This is who I AM!_

The freighter crashed.

The Doctor closed his eyes, squeezed them shut, couldn't bear to look. Right now he knew Tegan was collapsing into sobs, Nyssa was holding her, and he himself was breaking apart even as he pulled himself together. But that was lifetimes ago.

_Brave heart, Doctor._

"Doctor?"

The Doctor opened his eyes. "Chris," he said aloud without looking at the young man.

"Are you all right?"

"Of course."

"Isn't that Earth?" Chris wandered into the Doctor's field of vision, pointing at the planet on the screen.

"Yes."

"Why are we up here then? Are we going to land soon?"

"I'm just…looking at it."

Chris nodded, seemed to sense the Doctor wanted to be left alone, and tactfully withdrew from the console room. The Doctor smiled tensely. Good old Chris.

"You had no choice," Roz said from the inner doorway.

"Didn't I?"  
"No," she said, coming further into the room. "No matter how much of a git your past self was, he at least knew when he was beaten."

"Hmph. I wouldn't be so sure about that."

Roz stepped up to the Doctor, swung him around to face her. "You can't go back and change it. It's what happened. That was how it was _supposed _to happen. If you went and mucked around with _my_ death, I would never forgive you. You can't change what happened."

"I know," the Doctor sighed. "I already tried."

She stepped back. Nodded once, sharply. She left the room.

That was the nice thing about Roz. She kept everything so simple. And she didn't ask you to talk about it.

The Doctor turned back to the scanner and stared for a long, hard moment at the insignificant blue planet. And then he switched the scanner off and set the controls for a random destination.

_I could have done it._

But I didn't.

I'm sorry, Adric.

I couldn't do it.


End file.
